It is with reluctance that I chose to come here today. I want to emphasise that I’m not some “luvvie liberal”, I’m not, I know you may be dubious – ha ha! But, due to many factors, not least our esteemed PM, Theresa May, I felt that it was my duty as a public figure to use my voice for good and stand up for our country while it is in flux, and not least because: “We’re a great country…We’ve Beckham’s right foot…And a friend who bullies us is no longer our friend.” Sorry, I got distracted. But the days of Flopsy and very large pants are behind us. This is no Oopsie-Daisy moment. This is a crisis! And our esteemed leader, old TM the PM, is trying to abandon ship in our hour of need.

So I ask you: is it right to put our trust in her or do you need a new figurehead? Perhaps a well-educated, well-travelled sort of chap? One who’s lived many lives and experienced more emotional journeys than you can shake a stick at! Perhaps a fellow who’s lived a wild sort of existence, visited both sides of the track and made his mark among the masses – earned your trust, so to speak. A father, a partner, a trusted man of the people… No, I’m not talking about Colin Firth, ha ha! I’m talking about me, your beloved old English tea cake: Hugh Grant.

Just so you know, I’ll be canvassing in person so I can’t wait to meet many of you out and about in Hampstead. And remember:

“I’m just a boy, standing in front of a country, asking it to love me.”

You can be sure I’ll love you back.